Don Lively
LIFE'S LITTLE REPLAYS

Recently while going through some boxes that I had neglected since my last move, I came across my framed college degree that I had earned all those years ago, something that I have never displayed but of which I am very proud.

Seeing it brought to mind a long ago conversation with my high school guidance counselor. When I told her that I wanted to go to college she pointedly replied that I was not college material, that I would never make it through college and that I should go to trade school. Over the years I have wished that I could go back and tell her what I really thought about that.

Then I began thinking about some other things and events that I would like to revisit during that same era of my life. Nothing earth shattering or history changing, just a few minor "do overs".

I remember sitting in an algebra class taught by a woman who we affectionately referred to as The Duck. All math was agony for me but this was the worst.

We were given a problem that went something like this:

" If an eastbound train leaves Chicago for New York City at 7:10 PM and travels 55 miles per hour for 13 hours, and if Johnny spends three dollars and forty-seven cents at the store and pays with a ten dollar bill, what is the square root of Einstein's theory of irregularity?"

That might be a little bit off, but that's how I remember it.

Given another shot, here's how I would answer.

"I don't give a monkey's fanny, and, given an extra lifetime I still wouldn't be able to get it right. Furthermore, I've been to the future and I can report that never in human history has anybody actually needed to know!"

That's what I'd tell The Duck. Then I'd apologize for me and all the other kids who quacked every time she turned her back.

Then I'd go back to the week when an inept football coach had actually done some scouting and knew that our next opponent would be running a short screen pass play to my side. He drilled it into me for days, "Go out and bat it down. Bat it down! Do not try to catch it!"

Game day. Sure enough, they ran the play. I floated out. The ball came right to me. I reached up and batted it down. Easy play. I looked back. The receiver had slipped down ten yards away. The goal line was fifteen yards in the other direction.

Even a big, slow lineman like me could have scored easily. My only chance to do something other than block and tackle.

" Do NOT try to catch it!"

My do over? Intercept. Score. Go to the sideline and hand the ball to the beloved coach along with a suggestion.

Next, I might ask that dark haired beauty two years older than me to go to a dance. Of course this is the do over version of me. The sixteen year old me could only sweat and hyperventilate around her. Now I know humiliation only lasts a few days. What did I have to lose?

In my replay world I would resist the temptation to smoke that first Marlboro, a habit I didn't kick for several years.

I would thank Mrs. Tinley for encouraging me to write and for showing me how much fun it can be. Sadly, I can't tell her now.

I might even try to warn Juddy and Beep and Sharon and a few others about certain people and places and times to avoid. They might have gotten to be with us longer.

I would certainly NOT attempt the back down maneuver at the Dairy Bar with a loose muffler.

Nothing that I would do would change much about worldly events. Just a tweak here and there.

And that high school guidance counselor? Here's what I'd say to her knowing what I know now.

I would say, "You were right. I wasn't college material. I loved going to college, hated going to class. If it rained I skipped because it was raining. If it was sunny I skipped so I could go to the lake. I'm still not sure where the library is at the university. But, I did graduate, fair and square. I packed my four year degree into five and a half years and went out to take on the world. So, thank you for your trade school advice but, I had a lot more fun doing it my way".

That's what I'd tell her.

Some things don't need to be changed.

Don Lively is a retired police officer and freelance writer. He spends his time between Shell Bluff and Charleston. Send comments of questions to Livelycolo@aol.com.