PLAYS WELL WITH OTHERS
Steven Rice

Ben Franklin was a pretty smart guy.

He correctly opined that there are two certain things in this life - death and taxes. For those of us in Christianity there are only two (maybe three depending on your theological persuasion) people who escaped death, so unless you are Enoch, Elijah or the Virgin Mary, I would count on that reality.

Good luck avoiding taxes too. A lot of people have tried. Not too many have succeeded.

One thing my good friend Ben forgot to mention in his proverb was conflict. There are three things certain in life: death, taxes, and conflict.

I don't remember much instruction on dealing with conflict as I was growing up. Oh, I remember teachers telling me not to run with scissors and to keep my hands to myself (I had high school teachers tell me the same thing), but as far as dealing with conflict, and I mean real interpersonal conflict, I was at a loss. Whenever I counsel a young couple that desires to be united in marriage I always ask them, "How do you fight?"

Usually they look at each other trying to find in the other's eyes some clue of the right answer. Sometimes they say, "We don't fight," to which I respond, "Liar!" We do fight. Husbands and wives fight. Parents and children fight. Friends fight. Strangers fight. But if we do not learn how to deal with conflict and disagreement, I'm afraid Edward Gibbon XXII will one day write "The Rise and Fall of American Society."

Adults tend to act just like children when it comes to conflict. We fight because a) we didn't get our way b) we don't want to share c) we need attention or d) we are frustrated.

Think of any conflict you've recently had and see if it doesn't fall into one of those categories. The difference between adults and children is that adults should have the capacity to work out their conflicts.

If you are experiencing conflict, take two of these and call me in the morning: first ask yourself "Why am I angry?" Walking around mad for no reason doesn't help anyone. Then ask yourself if your anger is rational. Are you upset over something that is so insignificant or petty that actually losing your temper over it is irrational? Are you avoiding the real issue by being angry?

A little trick we like to do with ourselves is to avoid the real issue that is bothering us by getting angry at something or someone else.

It may make us feel better, but it never makes the problem go away. But if someone did hurt you with words or actions and you know why you are angry and it is rational to be upset and you are not avoiding the real issue, then ask, "What might cause this person to say or do this? What is broken in their life that is hurting so much that they have to say hurtful things?"

Have a little compassion on your neighbor and it'll calm you down. Then pray. It works, it really does. And after all of this, go to the person and work it out.

I don't like conflict as much as the next person, but we must learn to deal with each other and our conflicts face to face. Not only is it biblical but it just might save society!

Of course, you might also avoid conflict by not running with scissors and keeping your hands to yourself. Oh, and pay your taxes, too.